Friday, 1 August 2014

Holiday! Idiosyncracities of our home

Dear Mum


Thank you so much for looking after the lovely little lady while we run off to Scotland to support the eccentricities of poor starving artists. Here are a few tips and hints for survival in our flat. Good luck!


Gate: To close it from the outside is a bit fiddly and the gate has to be not quite closed completely for the lock to turn!


Front door: Please double lock it,otherwise if we get robbed it invalidates the already slim chance of our insurance company doing what they’re paid to do.

Neighbours: We have nice neighbours. Even though one of them spat on me but that was an accident and we’re friends now. I don’t remember all of their names or which numbers they’re at. I don’t have their phone numbers in case of an emergency. I might be friends with one of them on Twitter though…

TV: Dont watch it live coz we don't own a TV licence. We have Netflix, 4od and iplayer. Hmm, too complicated to explain this all so best to call us for instructions. We keep the bean bag in front of the TV to stop Boo whacking the screen. It is quite effective.

Our Bedroom: We had to take the door handle off when Richard got stuck in there and had to climb out the window! We normally keep Boo out of our room coz there's often too much stuff for her to play with and destroy. Good luck doing that without the handle. The baby monitor is in there, however someone changed it to German and we can’t figure out how to fix it.

Kitchen: keep things away from the edge of the surfaces coz Boo will grab them. Keep the bin turned around coz she will try to get in there! Always use the child locks on the fridge and cupboards! If left alone in the kitchen Boo will most likely do some laundry of bits and bobs that she finds in the flat, this can become annoying if the bits and bobs are your phone and keys, and also annoying because the washing machine cycle lasts for hours, all the settings seem to be the same.


Food: I have left some ‘I can’t remember what’s in this’ moosh, corn on the cobs, savoury muffins, sweet muffins, strawberries in the fridge for Boo. There’s also peas and fish fingers in the freezer, and more moosh and muffins in pots in the freezer. Rotate these items with milk and that is her diet.

Bathroom: the door is very sticky, you need to push the handle down and kick it open. But the door needs to stay closed unless you want to scoop shampoo bottles out of the toilet and wipe shaving foam out of Boo's hairProbably not a good idea to shut the door if you’re in there by yourself and without a phone, as there is no window (see the example listed under ‘Our Bedroom’). There is a child lock on the toilet that we never use. If it ends up being locked by you know who, to open it there are 2 little levers on either side to push up. The hot tap and shower needs to run for quite a while until it gets hot.


Outside: It’s tricky getting the buggy up and down the stairs. We normally leave it outside during the day (unless raining), and bring it in at night, hoping no wild animals made their nest in there. Her red trike is under the black cover, she loves going to the park in it, although she says she can’t reach the pedals so uses the footrests and has a great time. It’s second hand so came with a free rattling sound and a tendency to veer left.


The playgroup – £3 entry, it’s a toddler's dream, lots of fun and with a safe garden, unlike the park playground where toddlers regularly lunge their heads towards the feet of big kids on swings.


Other things: Well obviously the damp and general mouldiness that you already know about. Call me with any questions and for regular updates. I will try a lot harder this weekend to remember where my phone is and to answer it.


Well that was exhausting just to write about. But I’m sure you will have a great time with lots of smiles and cuddles to make up for the frustrating bits!

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